So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His hands were made for my vagina.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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