hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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