His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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