We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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