They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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