found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.