We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...