I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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