McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
