you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
