I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bring me that man meat
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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