Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
