we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize