I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
