Too much gin, very little bucket
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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