She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
