Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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