dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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