Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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