So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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