there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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