I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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