she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
