Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
