just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
tell me about the eggs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
