im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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