I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
two words: eviction party
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
God I need to hump something, right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
