You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
