Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
