My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
