i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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