I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
