Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
