i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
