So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
