the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
