Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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