just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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