I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
