I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
