Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
