im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
