I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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