6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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