Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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