He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
