Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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