I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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