How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
