I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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