well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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