So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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