Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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