I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
