Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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