Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
