i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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