I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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