we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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