i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think your dad took our porno
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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