maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
