oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
