just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Text me some of your sweat
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
