So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am naked and annoyed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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