If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
try to milk me bitch
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
