He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
