then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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