Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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