i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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