I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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