Swine flu. Run for my life!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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